as the ruin falls - clive staples lewis

all this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
i never had a selfless thought
since i was born.
i am a mercenary
and self-seeking through and through:
i want God, you, all friends,
merely to serve my turn-
peace, re-assurance, pleasure,
are the goals i seek,
i cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
i talk of love
-a scholar's parrot may talk greek-
but, self-imprisoned,
always end where i begin.
only that now you have taught me
my lack.
i see the chasm.
and everything you are was making my heart into a bridge
which i might get back from exile, and grow man.
and now the bridge is breaking
for this i bless you as the ruin falls.
the pains you give me are more precious than all other gains.